Is Sharing Your Feelings Always Healthy?

Markham Heid via Medium:

“Emotions are contagious, and you can impact the emotions of others by sharing how you feel,” Caruso says. He points out that emotions often arise suddenly, can be fleeting, and are dependent on a lot of contextual factors, from how well you slept to how recently you’ve eaten. “How you’re feeling in the moment can be the product of all these unrelated things,” Caruso says. And by expressing what you’re feeling, not only do you pass some of your emotion to others, but you also have to deal with the aftermath of that disclosure.

“The way we’re built, we naturally want to describe what we’re feeling to others, but the reality is that sometimes this would hurt other people or would be embarrassing to us,” says James Pennebaker, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas. And when you share your feelings with someone else, you risk them refuting or rejecting the validity of what you told them, which can be devastating. “In that situation, you may end up worse off than if you’d kept what you were feeling to yourself,” Pennebaker says.

Spotlight effect

Pernah merasa kalau semua yang kita lakukan akan selalu diperhatikan dan diamati oleh orang lain? Perasaan seperti itu punya nama, dan dikenal sebagai “spotlight effect”. Sesuai namanya, kita merasa seakan-akan berada di bawah sebuah lampu sorot dan diperhatikan oleh orang lain, padahal pada kenyataannya hal seperti itu tidak terjadi.

effectiviology.com:

The spotlight effect is something that we all experience frequently in our everyday life. Essentially, whenever we think about what other people think about us, we tend to overestimate how likely they are to notice things that we do, as well as how likely they are to care about those things.

Louis Chew via Medium:

This phenomenon is known as the Spotlight Effect — people tend to believe that more people take notice of their actions and appearance than is actually the case. It’s an apt name. We think we are in the spotlight and all eyes are on us. In reality, no one cares.

If you’re not convinced that nobody remembers the word you mispronounced back in high school, try to recall the last time your classmate made a similar mistake. You’ll find that it’s a lot harder than remembering your own mistake.

Social media runs on rage

Scott Galloway via Medium:

Most people cite as culprits the tone set by our leaders and the media’s adoption of rage as a business model. No doubt. But I believe the real fire starter is the tobacco of our generation, social media. It’s the algorithms that have determined that the path to more engagement, clicks, and Nissan ads is paved in rage. The algorithms sense if you lean left or right, then begin shoving you to the poles and serving you increasingly provocative and extreme content you can’t turn away from, to scratch a tribal itch.

How shared hatred helps you make friends

Markham Heid via Medium:

Sharing negative attitudes with someone — and, in particular, sharing negative opinions about other people — seems to be among the quickest and most effective ways for two strangers to form a bond. If you want to cozy up to someone, there may be no better way to do it than to gossip about the people you both hate.

Bosson verified and refined her conclusions in several follow-up experiments. Regardless of gender or race, disliking the same thing about a person can help strangers bond more effectively than if they share the same positive opinions. The stronger the shared dislike, the closer the resulting bond is likely to be.

Mau dekat dengan orang lain dengan cepat? Bergosip aja.

Malicious compliance

Pernah dengar istilah “malicious compliance” sebelumnya? Mungkin banyak yang tidak familiar dengan istilah ini tapi saya yakin kebanyakan orang pernah melakukannya. Atau bahkan sering.

Menurut Wikipedia, Malicious compliance adalah…

is the behaviour of intentionally inflicting harm by strictly following the orders of a superior knowing that compliance with the orders will not have the intended result. The term usually implies the following of an order in such a way that ignores the order’s intent but follows it to the letter.

Secara sederhana, malicious compliance adalah perilaku atau perbuatan yang dengan sengaja mengikuti sebuah aturan atau perintah seseorang (biasanya atasan atau orang yang lebih tua atau bisa juga dari siapapun) dengan tujuan agar terjadi hasil yang tidak diinginkan kepada orang yang membuat perintah tersebut.

Sebagai contoh, Anda disuruh melakukan sesuatu hal oleh seseorang, namun Anda tahu kalau Anda mengikuti perintah orang tersebut sesuai dengan instruksi maka pada akhirnya akan terjadi sesuatu yang buruk, kerusakan, dll. Tapi karena Anda ingin memberi “pelajaran” ke orang itu (namun tetap terlihat sebagai orang yang penurut) maka Anda (sengaja) tidak mengoreksi atau memberi peringatan sebelumnya ke orang itu. Akhirnya, Anda melakukan sesuai dengan permintaan dan seperti yang sudah Anda duga sebelumnya… terjadi sesuatu yang buruk.

New research finds there is no “right thing” to say when you want to be supportive

Menurut sebuah riset, keberadaan kita pada saat ingin memberi dukungan kepada seseorang itu sudah cukup. Tidak perlu mengeluarkan komentar atau kata-kata motivasi karena hal itu justru berpotensi memperburuk situasi. Tidak ada kata-kata yang tepat, cukup ada/hadir saja.

Research Digest:

Shawna Tanner at Wayne State University and her colleagues propose that in all likelihood trying too hard to say the right thing could actually lead you to make “clumsy statements that do more harm than good”. They advise that as long as your friend or relative sees you as supportive, then your “mere presence and sympathy is likely enough”.